Saturday afternoon was a big check off the ‘ole wedding checklist: THE REGISTRY!

Long before wedding plans were even in the picture, sauntering around department stores with a scanner gun was probably one of the things in life I was most looking forward to. What’s there not to love: I like to shop, and I like to spend money on cute things. So naturally, shopping for cute things without having to pay a dime? Pretty much the bee’s knees.

It was a rare afternoon that Ian and I had to spend together, which made it even better. Armed with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and sufficiently caffeinated, we started our day at Target. After announcing to the customer service desk who wasn’t nearly as excited that “we are getting MARRIED and we’re here to do our registry, please!”, we were given instructions on how to operate the supposedly self-service registry computer. Between entering our information on a miniscule keyboard, and helping two old ladies trying to access a baby registry on the computer next to us (who seemed to think that pushing every single button as quickly as possible would make it work), we finally figured out that we would indeed get a scanner gun and that registering at Target wouldn’t involve wandering around with a cart and bringing everything up to the register to scan into the system. Phew.

New to this whole decorating-your-home thing, every item at Target was considered with much debate. Is it the right color? Do we need it? What is our look? Is it too expensive? Will it fit in our new place that doesn’t even exist yet? However, some things were an obvious choice–like every single red kitchen appliance.

And tools for Ian the Handy Husband.

After a delicious and nutritious meal of all-you-can-eat pizza and cinnamon rolls at Cici’s, we headed to our next stop: Macy’s. Kitchen heaven.

As I scanned every single item on the red and teal Martha Stewart display, we slowly began to feel our inhibitions lowering. A glass cake stand, 8-piece coffee set, and red pots and pans? Sure! A 7-piece beer set, 22 Knives set, and cast iron skillet for the manly man? You know, the essentials!

Our last stop was Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Where we looked for things for our bed, our bath…and beyond.

At this point, we were growing weary. All this pseudo-shopping was tiring! My legs were already crampy from my P90X pre-workout, and my shoes were starting to rub in the wrong places. I was getting delirious. As the very nice man at the registry desk tried to sell us overpriced china and luggage sets, the whole thing just seemed so funny. It was getting dark outside, and we were still scannin’ away.

To Ian’s frustration, I declared that all the comforters and bed sets at BB&B were ugly (“but there has to be SOMETHING you like!”, he says) and that their wedding registry incentive program was a huge rip off (get a free knife if you register for $500 dollars worth of Emeril products! Whoop de doo!). It was becoming apparent that too much of a good thing–even shopping–was taking its toll.

We finally snaked our way around the store, ending in the front where we came across the welcome mat display. The last thing, the finishing touch to our future home, wherever that might be, was what our guests would see when they rang our doorbell. The choices were varied: traditional WELCOME? Penn State? A giant B? A whimsical owl?

Whoooooo’s there?

The delirium made this seem like the hardest and most important choice of the day. We circled around the display about 18 times, weighing the pros and cons of each one, and convincing each other too should just pick whichever one they liked best.

Maybe Ian was getting dizzy from circling a display of welcome mats or from a day of pouring over towels and shower curtains and soap dispensers and pillows, but in a snap he decided we were getting the owl mat. BEEP. Done.

And just as quickly as it had started, the scanner was returned and the happy couple drove off into the night.

Now we just need a place to put it all.